the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
