sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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