you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
