the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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