After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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