he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
