I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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