just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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