I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
