I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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