I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
