just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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