OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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