Princesses don't give blow jobs
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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