I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
