somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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