Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
