What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
