party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
