Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
