Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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