I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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