so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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