Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
