I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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