sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
