K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
