Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
