I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
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the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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