I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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