The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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