He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
