Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
