Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
