the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
