And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
