her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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