Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
