She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
