Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
