So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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