Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
