There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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