No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
