Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
