Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
