We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
