I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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