i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
