You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
