i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
