Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
