Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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