WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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