In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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